Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
