if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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