Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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