She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
