My friends, they love my intelligence
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
