i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
