what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
