I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
