There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
