Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
