Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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