Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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