Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
