good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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