He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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