...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
