isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
