She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
