If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
