i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
