Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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