Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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