May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
