you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
