What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
