It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
