Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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