i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Vodka?
Forever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
