Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
