Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
