On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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