mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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