She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
