I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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