Plan B is the new Plan A
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
