We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
