What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
