Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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