Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
