why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
