This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
