I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
