I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
