Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
