my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
