we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love accidental penises.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
