Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize