I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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