I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
