Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
