come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
