Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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