This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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