I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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