he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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