nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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