Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
