she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
