He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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