apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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