is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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