I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize