What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
