My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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