life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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