I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
