Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
