It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
