alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
