All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.