i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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