Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.