I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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