I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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