Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
