I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
