yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
